If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Worth Documenting
I’ve never been good at introductions.
In school, I always wrote the entire paper first, then spent an equal amount of time trying to rack up ideas in my mind that would “capture the audience.”
One thing I’ve learned, through my years of English courses and speech programs, is that the best way to get someone’s attention is to tell a story.
So I decided to start one now.
About a month ago, I was sitting at home, talking to my fiancé Hank about my ongoing mental battle with anxiety. I felt overwhelmed with fear of the future, trying to find my identity in work, and a growing frustration with my photography business. I was physically spent from running from obligation to obligation, trying to keep up with my commitments in all areas: serving, working, and spending time with family and friends. Honestly, many nights I would just close the door to my room and cry because I hated being so busy and didn’t feel a desire to anything that I had committed to at that point.
So during this time, Hank encouraged me, while expressing his concern about my health (mental, physical, and spiritual). He gave me a passage that he often turned to during difficult times: Psalm 42. I included a small excerpt below:
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
***
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
To be honest, I skimmed the passage and was frustrated at first. I felt so angry that God was not helping me at all, not giving me peace, not relieving the weight of stress that pulled me down daily. But then, I began to think.
What have I been doing that has kept me from feeling hopeful? What has kept my soul “cast down?”
One word, I realized. Comparison.
I compared my life so much with others that I continued to throw myself into various activities, trying to find my value in them. I was completely dissatisfied with all creative work of mine, angry that I wasn’t getting much work for photography in the future. Social media was a monster that took over every extra breath I had - and every loose thought in my mind.
So I quit. I stopped posting, and started being present in what I was doing.
I’d like to say I changed overnight, but honestly, it’s a long process.
I still get anxious at times when I feel like I’m not posting enough, or if I don’t have time to finish my never-ending to do list.
I’m still struggling to say no to commitments, and constantly having to evaluate if I really have time for everything I do now.
I still feel hopeless at times, when dreams of creating a business to serve others creatively seems so far off.
But I know that God is my salvation. And no matter the trials I face today, He will still be good, and He always wants the best for me. And that’s all that truly matters.
So here it is. My new website and blog, introducing my renewed focus on life and the purpose of my photography business - as reflected by this post - telling a story.
I want to capture real life. The awkward moments, the tearful moments, the unexpected moments, the joyful moments, and everything in between. My work won’t be perfect (even though I am a perfectionist), and often times, I will fail more than succeed. But I will try my hardest to create in a way that honors God and brings new light to those around me.
And one quote I have had written down for months perfectly sums up just what I’ve begun to realize, not only for myself, but also for my business:
If life were easy, it wouldn’t be worth documenting.
Shoutout to Summer Leigha Photography for the portraits :)