Why Your Goal In Marriage Shouldn't Be To Be Perfect

I used to think that the goal in marriage was to do everything perfectly, and together.

Hank and I, in our first few months of marriage, seemed to almost “walk around” in each other in an attempt to make sure everything went perfectly - and was always fun!  We would try to occupy ourselves each evening with new activities (avoiding the TV because we thought it was bad), tried shouldering the chores for each other in an attempt to “serve” each other, and didn’t really talk about how those things were making us feel.

And guess what happened?

We were exhausted and burnt out.  We were tired of thinking of new things to try… and also just doing things all the time.  Some days, I would come home and DREAD doing the dishes - but as the wife, I need to serve in the household as best as I can, right?

Anyone else newly married (or even married for a while) feel this way?  Like you still have to keep up appearances?

Well, let me give you a little piece of freedom then girl - YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

One of the most beautiful parts of marriage is getting to accept all parts of the person you married - both good and bad - and work through all the parts of life together - both good and bad.

And you know what?  You don’t have to be that Instagram couple that goes bowling and on vacations and plays board games with friends each  night and never seems to stop.

You don’t HAVE to try to make yourself interesting.  Your partner probably married you because they LOVE you - not because of all the things you do for them.

I’m inviting you to take a step back and relax.  Enjoy the simple moments with your spouse - whether that’s washing the dishes together, or doing your own things in the same space, or yes, watching a show together (which usually brings you closer and helps you bond even more).  

You don’t have to live to impress - that just brings a life of busyness and burnout.

Live a life of truth and love.  Live a life of simplicity and spontaneity.  Find a balance that works for YOU, instead of whatever you see online or on social media.

Now note: this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, and you shouldn’t serve your spouse - those things are beautiful and good!  It means to look at where you are overextending and burning yourself out and neglecting your own emotions and basic needs in an attempt to impress your spouse.  That doesn’t help either of you, and just leads to more communication issues in the long run.

Your spouse doesn’t want to be impressed - they want to be LOVED.

I challenge YOU to step back and take an inventory of your relationship.  Where are you “trying too hard?” Where can you be honest with your spouse about needing more space, more rest, or more help?  Find a time and talk to him about it - chances are, he’s probably been trying to keep up with you and feels tired as well. Remember, life isn’t meant to be perfect - find the beauty of your relationship and help it to grow even more :)

photo credit: summer leigha photography